Why do Indian parents living abroad prefer their children to get married to someone with Indian origin only?
Marriage is a momentous and significant milestone in a person’s life. In Indian culture, marriage is more than a union of two individuals; it represents the merging of two families. While the percentage of arranged marriages in India is still quite high (~90%), the approach towards marriage is evolving, especially in the NRI community.
As per the article published in BBC.com: As of January 2018, just 3% of Indians had a "love marriage". However, certain apprehensions remain, and Indian singles living in the USA and Canada often face the pressure to get married within the community.
For Indian parents living abroad, the idea of their children marrying a foreigner is a tough pill to swallow. This preference arises due to a variety of factors. In this blog, we will explore the reasons why Indian parents prefer to marry their children to someone of Indian origin.
There is a deep entanglement between marriage preferences and cultural identity among Indian immigrants. Marrying within the same culture and community helps NRIs keep Indian traditions and values alive within the family.
The immigrants’ fear of their children marrying someone from a different race/culture stems from their real or imagined concerns about the erosion of their own heritage, their children disconnecting from their roots, or potential conflicts rising out of a litany of cultural differences, which get further exacerbated through rigidness and lack of open communication.
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NRI parents prefer to marry their children within the Indian community because of the familiarity and comfort that comes with it. They feel that having a partner from a similar background will comprehend their values better and have an understanding of family dynamics. Furthermore, having shared customs, traditions, and experiences provide a sense of understanding and comfort.
When it comes to shaadi (marriage) debates in the Indian community abroad, socio-cultural differences emerge as a major source of resistance towards intercultural marriages. These arise out of a mismatch of expectations, and differing customs, communication styles, dietary habits, religious practices, and even perceptions of gender roles. Moreover, the narrow-mindedness and prejudiced attitudes among NRI parents certainly do not help in assuaging these differences.
Whether you talk about love marriages or arranged marriages in Indian communities overseas, most parents strongly want their children to marry within the community, preferably someone having the same caste or language. Punjabi Sikh NRIs will look for prospects from their own community, TamBrahms from their own, Sindhis from their own, Parsis from their own, and so on. Language is also where divisions become more pronounced.
NRI parents believe their children will understand each other better if they have the same background. Per these narrow-minded parents, when Indian brides in the USA or Indian grooms in the USA marry foreigners, communication challenges may lead to misunderstandings and frustration. There might be feelings of exclusion during interactions with extended family members or in social gatherings. Cultural nuances, references, and humour may get lost in translation. Expressing emotions or discussing sensitive topics might also become complicated.
Also Read: 8 Mistakes to Avoid When Searching for a Compatible Match on Matrimonial Sites
Indian communities living overseas are often tightly-knit, having a strong network of connections with each other. These social ties can provide support, belongingness, and comfort to those living far from home. When it comes to getting married in a different country, having a life partner from a familiar background, ideally from the existing social circle, makes it easier for the couple to integrate into the extended community and meet traditionally-entrenched cultural and social expectations.
Marrying a foreigner may come with its own set of community-level challenges. There is a possibility that they may encounter prejudice and awkwardness during celebrations, creating uncomfortable situations. They may need to tip-toe around cultural differences, customs, and expectations, adding another layer of discomfort to social relations.
It is established that NRI children face marriage pressure from Indian parents to marry someone of Indian origin only. But it is not all solely due to prejudices or social reputation. Indian parents believe their children will have a more harmonious married life with someone having shared experiences, backgrounds, food preferences, beliefs, and day-to-day lifestyle and habits.
While there is definitely a degree of parental influence on partner selection in Indian diaspora marriages, data illustrates that the overall prevalence of Indian-Americans marrying within their community is high, which may suggest children themselves often prefer to marry within the community due to better compatibility and familiarity. According to a 2021 study on Indian Americans by Carnegie, Indian Americans have the highest rate of marrying within their community in both first and second generations, with 8 out of 10 having a partner/spouse of Indian origin.
Indian singles living abroad in countries like the USA and Canada are now increasingly taking marriage-related decisions into their own hands. They are opting for matchmaking avenues dedicated to Indian Dating in the USA or Indian Dating in Canada to find compatible partners to date, fall in love with, and marry.
Also Read: How to Find the Right Partner on Indian Matrimonial Site in the USA with 100% Success.
The preference for endogamy (marriage within the community) among the diaspora is driven by the desperate need to preserve their cultural identity. This need stems from the anxiety and concern that their distinctive Indian identity, comprising their culture, values, traditions, and heritage is at risk of being diluted and eventually eroding in the name of cultural assimilation.
The NRI nightmare of marrying a foreigner intensifies this anxiety and apprehension. Indians living abroad already struggle to navigate between embracing their host country’s values and preserving their own culture. Marrying a foreigner raises questions about how future generations will not feel connected to their Indian heritage and may have a fragmented sense of identity.
We have explored the core reasons behind Indian parents’ preference for same-culture marriages abroad. However, it is important to note that these preferences are not universal and may differ from individual to individual and family to family.
Moreover, with an open mind, open communication, less prejudice, and acceptance, inter-cultural and inter-racial marriages too can lead to beautiful and happy lives. The decision about finding the right partner for Indian Matrimonial in Canada or the USA is personal and should be based on love, emotional compatibility, and the ability to deal with life’s highs and lows together.
